A couple of years back, a friend hosted a weekend yoga retreat. She brought in an intuitive, and during a night of sharing, I declared that I wanted to feel connected to Kaveh again and to feel a genuine attraction to him.

The intuitive turned to me and asked, “What if we take the focus off Kaveh and put it on you? What if you feel a connection and attraction to yourself? Can you imagine what you could put out into the world if you truly accepted everything about yourself?”

I sat, listening to her words, knowing that there was truth in them, yet still, I was stubborn, insisting that my problem was the disconnection between Kaveh and me. My happiness depended on Kaveh changing.

She could sense that I was still stuck in my story, making excuses for my unhappiness. So she leaned in, looked at me, and said, “Shea, when you fully accept all things about yourself and truly love who you are, you will write and connect to others on a level you never expected.”

Here’s the kicker, she had never met me, and she declared I would be a writer who would connect with other women.

Today, I really do like myself. I accept all parts of me, even the parts that others don’t accept. In fact, some of those parts are the parts I like the most. They’re what make me unique. My quirks make me Me. What turns one person off, is often what draws another in.

Today, Kaveh and I are genuinely attracted and feel a solid connection to each other, but I know it wasn’t without me loving myself first.

Some people may think that to love myself wholeheartedly means I don’t care what others think of me. I do care, I care immensely, especially when my “faults” affect the ones I love. If I didn’t care, then I wouldn’t be the woman I am today.

I care, but I also pause and ask myself, are my words or actions intended to hurt others?

If my words and actions are done with clean hands and a warm heart, then I don’t have to make any excuses.

There are many times I need to apologize, and there are many times that it isn’t about me.


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