Sep 30, 2020

A couple of years back, Kaveh surprised me and bought us tickets to the Indigo Girls. This is female folk music at its best.

I know what you’re thinking, “What an angel to go to an Indigo Girls concert with you”. Let’s get real here; his intentions were not pure. He was excited to spend his evening with over 1000 lesbians and only 20 men. This ain’t his first rodeo, but the joke was on him. Lipstick lesbians are few and far between. Let’s just say the music, nor the crowd, was his genre and he kept a tight grip on me the whole night.

Now, not everyone who listens to the Indigo Girls is a lesbian, but consider who introduced you to them and sang her heart out with you on road trips. I’m just saying if she owns an Indigo Girls shirt 25 years after going to the Lilith Fair, you can’t be too surprised when her marriage to a man (as awesome as he is) has run its course after 25 years. The phone call shouldn’t come as a shock.

I had always wanted the token gay friend, a guy that just loved my “take no shit” attitude and could feed it back to me. It never happened. I think gay men like girly girls or just don’t like me. Instead, I landed a lesbian sister. Not the same thing but equally cool. It gives me an edge, don’t ya think?

My sister, Stevie, came out three years ago at a prime 42 years old. Maybe we should have expected it. I guess there were signals along the way. The short spiky haircut, the nipple ring in college, boy best friends, the cigarette smoking, enlisting in the Air Force, these were all possible clues. But let’s be clear that it isn’t any single one of these but rather the mix of them together that gives you a Martha Stewart recipe for a lesbian. 

Ironically, she had an overactive gaydar that somehow malfunctioned when pointed at herself for the past 40 years. Hindsight is 20/20 and it’s obvious now that she was a lesbian. 

Growing up, her bedroom walls were covered in Corey Haim posters. But if you peeked in her closet, you would have found a poster of Alysa Milano, from Who’s The Boss, taped up just behind her freshly pressed pair of pleated Z Cavariccis.

Very fitting that she kept her in the closet, wouldn’t you say?

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